My Story

I wasn't brought up in the church. I went to church a few times here and there growing up, and heard a little about Jesus and the Bible, but that's about it. I started going to church more in late middle and early high school years, partly because of the influence of a friend. I labeled myself as a "Christian," but by my understanding of what it means to be a Christian, I was really not a Christian.

I went through a time of depression in high school, especially my 10th grade year. I cried often, hurt a lot, and thought about suicide. I often expressed some of these feelings in the poetry I wrote. I eventually stopped going to church. By 11th grade, I wasn't as depressed and was doing better in many ways, but I sensed something missing in my life. I started becoming interested in following other religions or philosophies--in particular, Wicca and other pagan religion/thought. At this point, I didn't believe in Jesus that much.

In spite of this, something happened in my heart. I felt guilty about not following Jesus and saw this as God getting through to me. I remember being on the ground crying and praying, just a final surrender to God I thought, deciding to believe in Him. I just somehow realized a need for Jesus and accepted Him in my life.

I didn't understand fully about how to be a Christian and what it meant, so I felt insecure and probably made many mistakes...possibly hurting people I care about. However, I did develop into a devoted, well-thought Christian and remained that way for maybe the first 4 years or so of my faith.

In roughly about the past 2 years or so, I struggled with doubt and confusion regarding my faith. Even after spending time devoted to church attendance, teaching children's Sunday school, reading and talking about the Bible, etc I had found myself not sure of and even rejecting my beliefs. Something changed in me to make me sort of "forget" about being a Christian. I decicded to make a lot of my own decisions, even though in my heart I knew some of them were wrong. I had a "demon" inside of me that took my love away from Jesus and put it in idolizing relationships. So I basically was in a place where I didn't know where I stood---with God, and with even myself.

Then, I started to slowly re-open my heart to God again, to my faith. I realized, like I did when I was still in high school, that there was something missing in my life---Jesus. Now, I am devoted again as a Christian and have my focus back on Jesus. So far this year, I got married, I serve in church, and I just am trying to follow Jesus. I am not perfect, but I know God loves me and forgives me. That's really the beauty of the cross - thank You, Jesus.